how to tell i am comfortable talking to you:
- i say things that make zero sense
- i say the random things that come to mind
- i act like a complete idiot when talking to you
- i use dumb emoticons
1. Make a playlist of all your favorite songs, old ones you may have totally forgotten about from middle school or ones that bring back good memories.
2. Take a walk outside. I find I only start to feel worse and wallow if I let myself melt into my bed and engage in the bad feelings.
3. Organize your drawers or closet. It feels good to be productive when you feel like a worthless idiot on the inside. You can look at your clean clothes and feel like a human again.
4. Eat something decadent. Make an ice cream sundae or smores. They’re not just for camping!
5. Go through your phone and delete anyone you no longer talk to or anyone who sucks and makes your life worse.
6. Draw. I have a stack of paper and some colored pencils for just such an occasion. It’s relaxing and fun and won’t stress you out.
7. Call your best friend. No one talks on the phone anymore. I hate it. Let’s all talk in voices!
8. Get some sparkly temporary tattoos and give yourself the weirdest tramp stamp ever. Or decorate your whole arm. Whatever. You know you loved it as a kid.
9. Re-read your favorite book. Highlight the passages that make you love it so much so you’ll never forget them.
10. Start watching “The Wire” or “Arrested Development,” whichever is more your speed at the moment. Indulge in some quality programming to remind yourself life is worth living and people still make good stuff.
11. Read everything you can find about your favorite sports team. If you’re not already, become an expert on the team’s history, statistics and players. It’ll take your mind off you for a while.
12. Go volunteer with animals in some way. Being around cuties and fluffies will brighten your mood, and so will helping those in need.
13. Write someone else a really nice email. Just an out-of-the-blue “thanks for being so great!” email. Why not?
14. Do some yoga poses. You can look them up online if you don’t know any. Try holding them and breathing slowly.
15. Go on Youtube and watch all the “fail” videos you can find. Be grateful you are not that person. Being you isn’t so bad!
16. Light some candles, turn off the lights and meditate for as long as you can hold it.
17. Or do the same and touch yourself. Have a little solo romance, among candles. Are you trying to seduce you?
18. Look up some family genealogy stuff on the internet. Did you know your great-great-great uncle owned a department store in Russia? Now you do! And hey, your ancestors probably had it a lot worse. Since you know, no plumbing and iPhones and stuff.
19. Futz around with your hair. Add some color or see what it would look like curly or in a beehive.
20. Do your make up. Make it look crazy or much thicker than you’d normally wear it. What would you look like as Amy Winehouse or Ke$ha? You’re in the comfort of your own home. Why not see?
21. Eat fruit. Fruit has sugars that can lift your mood. Go for the pineapple and blueberries. Or make yourself a smoothie.
22. If you have a journal, go back and read old entries. Remember all that stuff you cared about a year ago that now doesn’t matter?
23. Smile. Even if you don’t feel like it, sometimes moving the muscles in our face activates chemicals in our brains to lift our moods. Smiling when you don’t want to can actually help you feel better.
It’s hard to not remember the things you’ve said to me that hurt. You are attracted to other women and men. It’s natural. I get it. Still hurts though. I want you to be mine for certain, not for the moment. Things change though. I hope they change for the better.
Without you here though, my mind races with thoughts of infidelity, of you laying in bed with another girl or another guy, and I just can’t compete with any of them. Can I?
I’m not in great shape. I’m not that attractive. You wouldn’t want me cause you’re superficial.
And I get it. I get that things don’t always remain the same and I have let go to generate the energy that I need to create a new life.
What does that new life mean though? Does it mean that you are no longer part of my life? That would suck.
Even the thought of losing you kills me.
You’re home now though, so I’m okay.
the dust on this poem could choke you by lora mathis
This is pretty. I want my name to be “watonia meriana,” like the flower.
I’m still jealous, not as much as before, but still jealous of her.
Because I’m not her, and maybe you want someone like her instead of me.
Past thoughts. Past behavior.
Learn to be alone and to like it. There’s nothing more freeing and empowering than learning to like your own company.
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